I wish I could say it was the result of a dramatic incident just right for a TV movie.  I wish I could say I saw spirits, or some striking paranormal phenomenon occurred.  Instead, the moment was of the mundane type that happens every day.  Something like it will happen in your life today.

     I was all set to have a beautiful Saturday in San Francisco, heading toward an outdoor music concert.  I was in a fine mood, and as I’d been doing on a regular basis, contemplating NDE’s.

     I had looked at studies, but more importantly, I’d met and talked to NDErs, and found the best of them to be credible beyond doubt.  Credible – no, actually, the ones with the clearest vision were saner and happier than most people I’d known… including myself.  I could no longer deny that existence as revealed by NDEs made more sense than any religion or philosophy I'd heard.  Even the scientific studies backed NDE validity.

     So I was going to live eternally – cool!  I would never die!  And there was a loving force behind the universe, one that would not judge me.  Life ultimately had meaning – indeed, every moment had meaning.  What more could I ask for?

     Well, a better life now, for one.  So why wasn’t life better?  It was ironic - I remembered that when I first talked to NDErs, I expected all of them to be ecstatic.  Many were, but many were having as much or more trouble in this world.

     I wanted to yell at them: "But you know, absolutely KNOW, that you will exist forever, and that you are loved unconditionally, and that you will not be judged, and that life has meaning.  How can you not be happy ?"

     The answer was that all NDErs had received knowledge, not all had converted this into wisdom – more precisely, they had not figured out how to apply the lessons of the NDE to their lives.  They were living exactly as before… only discomforted by the knowledge that they were stuck here instead of in the "real world."

     I remember asking Linda Stewart, a NDEr whose writing graces this site, about her journey.  Despite a debilitating disease, she was joyous.  It hadn’t always been that way after her NDE.  Indeed, like many NDErs, she raged against having to be here, when she knew the primary reality was the dimension of unconditional love.

     What changed her?  She did.

     Oh, she had help.  She was fond of a book called "A Course in Miracles." Looking for the shortcut, I asked her about applying NDE wisdom.  She suggested that I should monitor not only every action I took, but every thought I had, in terms of unconditional love and non-judgement.

     My response: "Yeah, right!" Monitor every action?  Every thought?  Sounded like mighty tough work.  That turned out to be the one part I was right about.  Spiritual work is indeed work..

     But I gave it a shot.  And it was eye-opening.  How much judgement did I have in me?  Enough to fill almost every waking moment, as it turned out.  People were "good" or "bad" by my own criteria.  Usually they were bad if they didn’t do as I expected them to do.  And when they were bad, I would be angry at them.

     It was not a pleasant revelation.  I thought I was a pretty good person.  Instead, I was mentally lambasting people all over the place.

     I went to work.  I began holding nobody responsible for how they acted, and instead concentrated all attention on myself.  After all, who’s life is this about?  When an unpleasant situation arose, all that mattered – all that mattered – was how I reacted to it.  The outside event wasn’t the important thing; my internal reaction was what mattered.

     The guy who cut me off on the highway was no longer a jerk – he was, instead, on that highway, at that very time, to give me an opportunity to not judge him.  The delays I encountered existed only to give me an opportunity to strengthen my patience and forbearance.  For me, just me, there was no other purpose than that.

     It wasn’t a process without setbacks – many of them.  After all, I’d spent my entire life applying judgements. That doesn’t change without effort.

     But when I succeeded, the rewards were immediate.  I might be upset by some action, but I wasn’t upset as much or as long.  I didn’t endlessly run negative events in my mind all day.

     And I did not judge myself, either.  Those who had done something "bad," had merely made mistakes – and when I did judge people, I recognized that I, too, had only made a mistake.

     Life did seem better.  And then came the incident on that beautiful sunny day as I headed for a day of fun.

     I was on a packed BART train to San Francisco.  Standing room only, and I was a standee.  I was standing behind several people when the train came to my stop.  There wasn’t much time to get out.

     There was this young man standing in front of me, and as I tried to maneuver around him to get to the door, he seemed to actually shift his position to block me.

     I tried to get around him the other way, and tried to ease by him.  And as I did, he tripped me.  No doubt about it – he purposefully tripped me – and even pushed me.

     I turned around to see a young Asian man.  He was shaking in rage.  He actually bared his clenched teeth at me!  He was ready to explode.

     And I immediately responded – in a calm voice – "What is the matter with you?" and then I walked out of the train.

     What the hell?

     I’d been in that situation many, many times.  We all have – those instances where the other guy has behaved with malice, they’re in the wrong, and there’s simply no question about it – open and shut case.

     And I’d always acted the same way to this "injustice," this wrong-doing.  I’d lay into the person.  They were having a tough day?  Well, tough shit, buddy, don’t take it out on me!  How dare you push me!  You’re tripping a 50-year-old man who was just trying to get out of a train?  You miserable piece of human garbage!

     And yet… this time I had automatically, unconsciously reacted in a calmer way.  I wasn’t upset.

     Seconds after the train door closed, the old reaction kicked in – I wanted to kick some butt, the rage came.  And I just as immediately snuffed it.  I didn’t want to go there.

     I walked out of the station and sat down on the grass.  I knew I had reacted differently to this event than I had during my whole life.

     In the past, I would have carried this incident with me the whole day, replaying the scene in such a way that I would "win" (or at least break even) by hitting the offender back as hard as I’d been hit.  Over and over I’d play out different scenarios of this type.  I’d spend the entire day doing it, and I’d lay part of this anger on others.  My day would be ruined… and I certainly passed some of my misery to others.  I knew that deep down, too.

     On this day I actually laughed in joy.  The incident had passed right through me without any harm.  I was going to have a good day!  I had triumphed!  That guy who tripped me hadn’t ruined my day, instead his action let to happiness – because I’d overcome it.  Without him, I would not have grown.

     And I realized at that moment that my default reaction – the action you "automatically" have in a situation – had changed.  The knowledge that I should see things as they are had been turned into wisdom.  I had applied wisdom; I’d walked the walk.

     And I also realized that incidents such as that, incidents that had happened throughout life, had ALL been opportunities to change.  I had always said no; "god" (or cosmic consciousness, if you prefer) had continued knocking on the door with opportunity.  And finally, finally, finally, I had gotten the message.

     I realized, too, that at times, I’d been the one with the bared, clenched teeth.  I’d been the one who’d had a day that was so lousy that I just had to hit, well, just someone.  Someone had to pay – if the world was lousy to me, I’d be lousy to the world, I’d get even.

     Only the world – my world - didn't change.   It was simply me who would become more miserable and out of control.  The events of my life dragged me by the nose.  I let them.

     In the next few days, when something "bad" happened, I continued applying the NDE Paradigm.  And again, I found myself in more in control.  I remember losing some possession and began to feel upset – and I quashed it immediately and laughed.  I said to god, "Hey, is this the best you can do? C’mon, I can handle this!  Give me another challenge, I’m ready for it; I’m gonna grow and feel better!"

     Well… there were and are other challenges.  And some days I handle them better than others.  It takes quite awhile to reverse an entire lifetime living according to a fundamentally incorrect understanding of the meaning and purpose of life. 

     But over and over, I was to see the benefits of seeing all situations as they truly are in the cosmic world – as opportunities for growth in this short life.

     Once you "get it," you can’t turn back, of course.  Why would anyone want to?  Because life is so much better this way.  I was different.  And that was the moment my life changed.

     It's there for you today.  It's there for you every day.

 

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